I'm wholly convinced that Bush is going to win.

The Democrats must have rocks in their heads. This is the twenty-first century! You can convince anyone of anything! People believe absolute untruth with wholehearted conviction simply due to media manipulation. Plus, better than half the press is enormously sympathetic to the Democrats. Meanwhile, John Kerry, that halfwit fuckknob, is going around trying to win by saluting the electorate. To quote the Evil One, "I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic?"

So, take it for granted that the Bush campaign will prove successful, barring cosmic catastrophe, like an invasion by pretzel-wielding alien hordes. How shall we face these upcoming four years?

Undisputably, in a second Bush Administration the holds will be unbarred on Israel. And once the Jews have secured the Promised Land, this will open the gates for the Apocalypse. The subsequent chain of events is well familiar: the Rapture, the rise to prominence of the Anti-Christ, the Final War and the Last Judgement.

Now is probably a good time for us to start picking sides.

At first this seems relatively straightforward. After all, Jesus is a good guy, right? He was a hippie, communist, pacifist, anti-capitalist. The Bible would have us believe he was okay with imperialism, but I think this was a later edit by fascist apologists, or cowards attempting to ingratiate themselves with the Roman authorities. So, Jesus is a pretty groovy guy, all around.

On the other hand, the system of government promised is clearly a dictatorship, with Jesus ruling as King on His Throne, and I'm just not down with that. Even the relatively democratic and communist stewardship of the Apostles in first-century Jerusalem smacked of democratic centralism and other Leninist concepts. Leo Tolstoy argues that Jesus promotes anarchism, since no man should rule over another, but I think he's being naïve; the model Jesus prescribed and that his followers implemented clearly demonstrates delegation of authority to specific human beings, which is a de facto concentration of power, even if that authority is supposedly derived from the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Let's see what the other guy is offering.

Satan is unequivocally an anarchist. His falling out with God was over the whole question of free will - Satan wanted it, and was punished for demanding it by ejection from heaven. But he's also been consistently portrayed as viewing humanity with malice, despising them for being beloved by God above the angels.

But we have to consider the possibility that this is simply propaganda.

After all, God's clearly got the upper hand. In terms of material resources, He's way ahead of Satan. It would be relatively easy for Him to present distorted images of the settlement Satan is willing to make with humanity, just like the United States can present whatever image it wants of the Iraqi resistance. In fact, we might suspect that the only reason God hasn't won outright is that He made the foolish move of deciding that there would be no sex in heaven, which probably sends the great majority of the people in the world over to Satan's camp right away. Definitely sex in hell, and it's probably pretty kinky.

I don't feel that this question need be decided immediately, but we should at least begin airing these issues in preparation for the inevitable.