03 June, 2005

I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those darn kids

My fellow Wikipedian urges me to come clean and admit my conversion. It's true. I now subscribe to the "Intelligent Design" theory.

What convinced me, you say? It was this stellar piece of work, here: "Five Questions Evolutionists Would Rather Dodge", by Dr. William Dembski. He's right! I would have rather dodged - but he nailed me good. I was skewered! Curse this metal body, I wasn't fast enough!

I mean, come on - the absence of transitional fossils? HOLY SHIT! I never heard that one before. Dr. Dembski is right-on. I've been living a lie.

And what about his airtight argument based on the Jodie Foster/Carl Sagan movie Contact? I loved that movie! How could I insult it by not falling prey to his argument? Check it out!
Recall the movie Contact, based on a novel by Carl Sagan. In that movie, SETI astronomers discovered a radio signal consisting of a long sequence of prime numbers (these are numbers divisible only by themselves and one). Because the sequence was long, it was complex and thus hard to reproduce by chance. Also, the prime numbers are mathematically significant and thus represent an objective, independently given pattern, or what is called a specification.
Hold your skepticism. I know what you're going to say; you're going to go on about earlier false-alarms like pulsars and what-not. But Dr. Dembski has the power of MATH, man! It's an objective, independently given pattern!

Elsewhere, Dr. Dembski elucidates what he means by this: if we were to come across the text DQXTGZGAGDD, we might think it was randomly generated. But if we saw the text CALLMEISHMAEL, we'd say, "Woah! That conforms to an objective, independently given pattern! It's the first three words from Moby Dick! We would never have expected to see those appear completely by random chance!", and we'd have to conclude an intelligence created it. Similarly, when we see a G-coupled receptor protein, we ALSO say, "Woah!", because that also conforms to an objective, independently given pattern. I can't tell you what that pattern is, right now, but I promise I'll tell you, later! *wink*

I've wasted enough time trying to detect patterns of selection in non-coding sequences. Fuck that shit! Now I'm going to waste spend my time detecting which nucleotides show influence of design! With any luck, I should be able to specifically pinpoint at what time the Almighty decided to create flagellar proteins. Nature publication, here I come! (Or maybe Creation Research Science Quarterly)

Anyway, I'm going to go hang out on the street wearing a sandwich board, now (fringe benefits!), so don't wait up for me. I won't be hanging around my usual, Satanic evolutionist haunts* anymore, so don't look for me there. I have much to make up for.

* Viz., the living room sofa.

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