White House says:
No Evidence Bush Lied About Iraq
Bush Administration officials denied earlier today that pre-war intelligence was manipulated or that Congress did not receive the complete picture. Speaking from his position knee-deep in a BFI dumpster behind the White House, National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley told reporters, "Look, guys, if that were true, we would have been lying, right? And if we were lying then, then we'd be lying about lying now. Which would be a double negative. And as we all know, that's just not possible in English. Now if you don't mind, I've, uh... lost... my... wedding ring... in here somewhere."

Vice President Dick Cheney, cornered en route to his home with two large, rustling garbage bags full of "table scraps" for his "new alpaca, Cecil", further commented, "Some of these Democrats who are kicking up a fuss were the same ones who voted for the war. If we knew then what they know now, then we should have been against the war. But we weren't." More questions proved impossible as reporters were terror-stricken by Mr. Cheney's determined grimacing.