Gosh, two terrorist plots in a month. The FBI at work, protecting the homeland.

The agency's top-notch cybersleuthing skills were on display. Just a day after a consultant pleaded guilty to hacking the bureau's computers and acquiring the password and social security number of each employee including the director! The FBI regained the advantage over cybercriminals. The bureau found these criminal masterminds by monitoring what my sources call "open Internet chat rooms."

Other sources, within the FBI, tell me that enforcement actions will increase in September. As schools reopen, college sophomores across the U.S. will be arrested for quoting aloud from the first paragraphs of The Communist Manifesto while preschoolers, having built tall towers out of wooden blocks and Legos, can expect to be questioned if they levy credible threats against the structures.

The agents who will be assigned to Operation Schoolyard will become available after the FBI disbands 110-member Unabomber task force. Its continued existence was criticized earlier this year after an agent found the bomber at the Supermax prison in Florence, Colorado. The bomber was turned in by his brother in April, 1996, according to people with knowledge of the situation.

Following the high ethical bar of my competitor, the New York Times, I must disclose why I granted these sources anonymity. They didn't want their names used because they are my imaginary friends and it would embarrass me to have everyone know what I call them. Right pooky-monster?